Schooldays of C.S. Lewis - boarding school misery and theological crisis.

The Housemaster closes the door against the corridor, shutting out Fribble and the Junior Prefect. Tennyson remains inside as witness, rigid beside the wall.

The Housemaster sets his cane across the writing table rather than lifting it. The room smells of dust, leather, and the faint dampness of the grounds.

Tennyson shifts his weight, listening with guarded interest. Beyond the closed door, Fribble’s presence remains only a pressure in the corridor, while the Junior Prefect keeps watch.

A chapel bell sounds faintly across the grounds, one measured note followed by another. The housemaster glances toward the window, then returns his attention to Lewis.

The Housemaster studies Lewis in silence. Tennyson’s posture stiffens, as though the boy has supplied a principle that might justify every cane in School House.

The Housemaster takes up the cane and lays it across Lewis’s open exercise book, smearing the ink beneath its polished length. The cost of the argument becomes tangible.

Tennyson’s faint approval is worse than a rebuke. Lewis has secured the Housemaster’s agreement, but the doctrine now strengthens the very authority that confines him.

The Housemaster regards Lewis for a long moment, then nods. He keeps the cane upon the table while Tennyson steps forward, satisfied.

Tennyson conducts the punishment in the closed room, according to the school’s discipline. The blows are not described, but their severity leaves Lewis shaken and silent.

The Housemaster records the correction as completed. Unexpectedly, his witnessing places Tennyson’s conduct under direct scrutiny, giving Lewis a formal witness beyond the prefect’s account.

The correction continues behind the closed door. Lewis endures its exceptional severity without crying, though his hands tighten against the desk and his breathing grows measured.

The Housemaster watches Tennyson rather than merely recording the punishment. Each pause, command, and change in the prefect’s manner now has a witness.

Tennyson lowers the cane at last. His satisfaction has narrowed into suspicion, while the Housemaster’s written account preserves that Lewis remained silent and composed.

Tennyson lowers the cane, but the absence of tears has not disappointed him. His satisfaction has curdled into irritation, as though Lewis’s composure has denied him the response he wanted.

Tennyson’s jaw tightens. The Housemaster’s question has removed the private triumph from the punishment: loud distress would not have earned approval, only confirmed that the prefect had exceeded the necessary measure.

The Housemaster opens the door and summons the attendant. Tennyson remains beside the table, watched rather than celebrated, while the unresolved accusation and the hidden machinery behind it remain outside the room.

The attendant appears at the doorway and waits while the Housemaster gives his instruction. Tennyson remains beside the table, his eyes fixed on Lewis with contained hostility.

The attendant leads Lewis into the corridor. Tennyson does not follow. His silence is no longer mere discipline, but the cold restraint of a prefect whose authority has been witnessed and questioned.

Beyond the closed door, Tennyson’s bass voice gives the Housemaster a careful account, omitting nothing that might appear deliberate and emphasizing every order Lewis obeyed.

The restriction is narrow but real. Tennyson leaves the room with his office intact, his temper concealed, and a settled grudge against Lewis now joined to the ordinary dangers of School House.

The attendant, a young adult man with a narrow face, sandy hair, and a plain dark waistcoat beneath his white coat, leads Lewis along the corridor toward the infirmary. His slim frame and pale skin complete his visible appearance.

He keeps walking, his shoes making small, measured sounds on the stone. His manner is respectful, though his expression refuses the conclusion Lewis has offered.

The infirmary door opens ahead. Lewis has not persuaded the attendant, but the distinction has shifted the conversation from submission toward testimony, leaving him a private place to speak.

The infirmary is cool and orderly. The Matron, an elderly woman with silver hair beneath a white cap, a sturdy frame, and a severe, kindly face, indicates the narrow bed.

Lewis obeys, lowering himself carefully onto the bed. The first touch of antiseptic makes his muscles tighten, and the Matron pauses when she sees how sharply his body reacts.

She covers him with a sheet, preserving his dignity, and replaces the salve with folded linen dampened in cool water. The relief is immediate, though treatment remains incomplete.

The attempted treatment has failed in its original form, but Lewis now has a protected bed, temporary distance from Tennyson, and a direct witness willing to hear testimony without paperwork.

Lewis remains face down beneath the sheet, answering the Matron’s care with stillness. His request is understood without requiring him to explain the embarrassment behind it.

A slight boy of about fifteen, with sandy hair, a freckled face, and a faded blue dressing gown, rises from the neighboring bed. The Matron hands him the folded linen.

Edwin obeys, his pale hands steady despite their youth,, pressing the cool dressing into place with cautious hands while the Matron supervises from beside the bed. The relief returns without further exposure or examination.

Edwin pauses with the folded linen in his hands. The Matron watches him, stern but not disapproving, while the cool dressing rests securely beneath the sheet.

The boy’s shoulders loosen. He moistens the cloth again and replaces it with greater confidence, keeping Lewis covered exactly as the Matron instructed.

The infirmary settles into quiet again. Edwin continues his task without embarrassment, and the pain recedes beneath the cool linen while the Matron remains beside the bed.

The request hangs briefly in the cool infirmary. The Matron studies Lewis, then Edwin, and draws the sheet higher to preserve the boy’s dignity.

She removes the dressing from Edwin’s hands and sends him to the adjoining room. The cost is immediate: her suspicion sharpens, and the door remains ajar beneath her watch.

Edwin withdraws, leaving Lewis alone beneath the sheet, though not unwatched. The cool linen remains in place, and the Matron’s footsteps pause just beyond the open door.

The Matron’s suspicion concerns only recovery and propriety, not any feeling Lewis may hold for Edwin. Her watch remains clinical, protective, and entirely literal.

From the adjoining room comes the faint movement of Edwin settling among the beds. The open door preserves supervision without turning the Matron’s concern into accusation.

The infirmary returns to its orderly quiet. Cool linen rests against the soreness, while the Matron’s presence establishes a boundary rather than a new threat.

The quiet movement from the adjoining room stops. Edwin has heard the strained sounds, but they reveal only discomfort to him, not affection or private feeling.

The Matron enters at once, her expression sharpening. She checks the sheet, the damp linen, and Lewis’s breathing without exposing more of him than necessary.

The Matron replaces the dressing herself and sends Edwin back to the adjoining room. His assistance is withdrawn, and the open door now carries the embarrassment of an observed misunderstanding.

While the Matron carries a basin toward the far beds, Lewis rises carefully, holding a small cloth across himself. He crosses into the adjoining room without being stopped.

The movement pulls at his injuries, and one floorboard gives a soft creak. The Matron continues with her duties, but the sound leaves a concrete risk: his absence may be noticed.

Edwin sits upright on his neighboring bed, startled but discreetly looking toward Lewis’s face. He shifts his blanket aside, making room without reaching for him.

Lewis reaches the bedside and settles beside Edwin, preserving his modesty as requested. The adjoining room gives him the conversation he sought, though the open doorway still exposes both boys to the Matron’s notice.

Edwin’s shoulders loosen. He keeps his hands folded in his lap and maintains the careful distance the Matron ordered, accepting the reassurance without pressing for explanation.

From the adjoining ward comes the measured clink of the basin. The Matron remains occupied, but the open doorway preserves her supervision and leaves no room for private impropriety.

Edwin nods. Lewis has made his reassurance clear: Edwin’s assistance brought relief rather than harm, and the boy’s anxious guilt gives way to cautious calm.

The Matron pauses beside the open doorway. Her expression remains clinical, but her attention settles on Lewis with renewed caution.

The statement is not a threat uttered in anger. It is a duty she has already decided to perform, and the infirmary’s quiet protection becomes conditional.

Edwin lowers his eyes, understanding only that the Matron’s caution has widened. The open door now feels less like supervision and more like a channel to the authorities.

The Matron closes the basin cupboard and sends a message through the attendant. The infirmary’s conditional quiet ends as footsteps approach from the corridor.

Edwin sits rigidly on his bed, hands folded. He looks toward Lewis only once, plainly anxious that his attempt to offer room has brought authority down upon them.

Heavy footsteps sound beyond the open door. The Housemaster of School House enters, cane tucked beneath one arm, and listens while the Matron gives her account without embellishment.

The Housemaster of School House turns toward the attendant and orders notice sent to Tennyson. Lewis’s confinement is extended, and the Matron’s protection becomes an official matter rather than a private discretion.

The Housemaster studies Lewis beneath the infirmary’s white light, then sets his cane aside. He orders no restraint, but the decision brings a harsher consequence.

The attendant hurries toward the main building. Edwin remains separated behind the open ward door, while the Matron stands between the boys and the corridor.

Before the Housemaster can answer, Tennyson’s bass voice sounds outside. He enters with Fribble behind him, bringing the school’s authority and its convenient interpretation together.

The Housemaster refuses restraint, but orders Lewis kept in the infirmary under direct observation until the Head of College arrives. The new accusation now threatens to eclipse the broken window entirely.

The Housemaster’s order settles over the infirmary. Lewis remains confined beneath observation, while Tennyson and Fribble stand together at the doorway, their version of events already prepared.

The accusation is not that the older boys suspect Lewis has been exploited. Worse, Fribble recasts his attempt at privacy as deliberate misconduct, giving the school a fresh charge to punish.

Porridge, the Head of College, arrives as a young man with a narrow, watchful face, neatly parted dark hair, and a perfectly buttoned dark school uniform. He pauses beside the bed.

The admission falls plainly into the infirmary’s silence. The Matron does not interrupt, while Tennyson’s expression sharpens and Fribble watches for advantage.

Porridge closes the infirmary ledger without writing. Lewis remains confined beneath observation, yet his direct confession prevents Fribble’s insinuation from becoming an established fact.

The words leave Lewis’s mouth evenly, but his composure falters afterward. His fingers tighten in the sheet, and the admission drains what little quiet strength the infirmary had given him.

Tennyson’s satisfaction is immediate, though Porridge does not share it. Porridge watches Lewis closely, weighing the confession without granting Fribble’s broader insinuation.

The boy is liable to receive punishment for his lack of positive demeanour.

Porridge studies Lewis’s pale face and tightened fingers. The account is accepted as honest, but its praise of Tennyson costs Lewis some credibility.

Porridge closes the ledger without writing in it. Tennyson’s punishment remains officially justified, while Lewis’s composure and loyalty become matters for continued observation.

The demand turns Lewis’s reassurance into a fresh measure of obedience. He has secured Tennyson’s good standing, but Porridge now regards his loyalty as both evidence and vulnerability.