Lube Man navigates the dark, cramped ventilation shaft, his yellow suit glistening with synthetic lubricant. He halts abruptly as a massive, scarred rat, the size of a small dog, blocks his path.
LUBE MAN
Whoa there, little guy. You seem like you have seen some things. Can I call you Tiny?
LUBE MAN
I really hope he likes fruit snacks. If I can just find the pocket with the crushed granola bar, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Vermin Queen
A new, human voice echoes from the darkness behind the rodent.
You have a lot of nerve invading my kingdom with that reeking slime, yellow-man. Tiny does not want your snacks. He wants your fingers.
LUBE MAN
Hey now, let us not be hasty! We can work something out. Maybe a collaboration? You handle the shadows, I provide the friction?
Vermin Queen
Your friction is a nuisance. You are nothing but a stain on the pipes, and you are going to be a meal for my children.
+ Scene Quest Added
Survive the Vermin Queen's ambush
“*Quote movie trivia at them*”
FAILURE (Fair movie trivia, rolled +0)
LUBE MAN
Wait! Wait! You remind me of the line from The Fly! Be afraid, be very afraid! Get it? Because you are a giant rodent?
LUBE MAN
That sounded much smarter in my head. Why is the giant rat hissing?
Vermin Queen
Your quote is as pathetic as your costume.
The Vermin Queen steps into the dim light of the maintenance hub, a leather whip coiling around her wrist. With a sharp snap, she lashes out at the ventilation grate. The metal groans and twists, showering Lube Man with jagged debris and sending him skidding across the slick, grease-covered floor. He slides backward, arms windmilling as he approaches the edge of a deep, dark drainage pit.
Vermin Queen
Tiny, finish him.
Vermin Queen
He will make a fine addition to the waste heap.
“*Quote movie trivia at them*”
FAILURE (Fair movie trivia, rolled +0)
LUBE MAN
Gravity is a cruel mistress, especially when I forgot to wear non-slip shoes. The abyss is looking hungrier than a theater audience during a remake of The Fly.
As Lube Man slides toward the gaping maw of the drainage pit, a flurry of movement erupts from the shadows. A swarm of starving rats, commanded by the Vermin Queen, boils over the edge of the maintenance hub flooring. They are a living, squeaking tide of fur and teeth, surging directly toward the panicked villain. Lube Man frantically claw at the greasy floorboards, but his fingers find no purchase. His heels teeter over the brink, and the smell of stagnant sewer water rises up to meet him.
LUBE MAN
Okay, thinking quickly. I have three tubes of industrial-grade synthetic lubricant left. Do I grease the floor to go faster, or grease the rats to make them slip? Or do I just accept my fate as a squeaky chew toy?
“Hit on her! It's your only hope! Flirt! make w stupid pun or reference! You've even got the lube for sexy times*”
SUCCESS (Mediocre Persuasion, rolled +4)
LUBE MAN
Hey there, beautiful! Why be a rat queen when you could be the slippery queen of my heart? You’re looking for a partner, and frankly, my lubrication levels are currently at an all-time high. Why don’t we skip the bloodshed and have a little friction-free fun instead?
Vermin Queen
He is ridiculous. He is pathetic. But... the way he handles those canisters. He has a strange, desperate magnetism. Perhaps he is more useful as a jester than a snack.
The Vermin Queen pauses, her eyes narrowing as she processes the absurdity. The swarm of rats screeches to a halt, sensing their mistress's sudden indecision. She tilts her head, her whiskers twitching, and lets out a low, hissing laugh that echoes against the industrial pipes.
Vermin Queen
You have a silver tongue for a man covered in grease, little slip-up. Entertain me. Tell me why I shouldn't let my children pick your yellow suit clean.
“*Make a joke*”
SUCCESS (Mediocre Persuasion, rolled +1)
LUBE MAN
Why, Queenie, it’s simple! I’m like a classic direct-to-video sequel—sure, the budget is low and the plot is slippery, but I’m the only one in this mall who knows how to keep things moving. You eat me, the fun ends. You keep me around? Well, let’s just say I’ve got enough grease to make this entire ventilation system a slip-and-slide of pure chaos.
LUBE MAN
She’s listening. The rats are twitching. If I can just slide a tube toward that drainage pipe, I might be able to create an exit strategy that doesn't involve being digested.
The Vermin Queen hisses, but her hand—adorned with sharpened, jagged claws—lowers slightly. She taps a rhythmic beat against a rusted support beam, her swarm shifting restlessly as they wait for her command. The silence in the hub is heavy, broken only by the drip of stagnant water nearby.
Vermin Queen
A jester with a death wish. Fine. Prove you have more to offer than just yellow spandex and bad puns before I change my mind.
Quest Complete
Survive the Vermin Queen's ambush
Skill Upgrade: Persuasion Fair→Good
+ Scene Quest Added
Prove worth to the Vermin Queen
“*Well shit, what does the lady need?*”
FAILURE (Good Persuasion, rolled -1)
LUBE MAN
Needs? You want needs? Look, I'm just a guy in a suit who brought his own slip-and-slide to a rat fight. You want me to prove my worth, how about I show you exactly how well this industrial-grade stuff handles your little squeaky friends?
LUBE MAN
She’s not buying it. The way she's tapping that steel... it’s not an invitation, it’s a countdown.
The Vermin Queen narrows her eyes, her lips curling into a sneer that reveals far too many teeth. She snaps her fingers, and the surrounding rats chitter in unison, closing the gap with terrifying speed.
Vermin Queen
Your tongue is as dry as your excuses, little man. I don't need a jester. I need a lesson in obedience.
With a fluid motion, she lunges forward, her claws raking through the air toward Lube Man’s chest, forcing him to scramble backward over the slick, oily floor. His heel catches on a piece of jagged ventilation grating, sending him tumbling toward the edge of the pit.
“*Low key this is kinda hot*”
SUCCESS (Good Persuasion, rolled +2)
LUBE MAN
She’s actually kind of intimidating when she’s trying to murder me. Like, really intense. I’m almost impressed.
LUBE MAN
Easy there, your majesty! You know, that ferocious glint in your eye is actually doing things for me. You're like a high-stakes power couple waiting to happen.
The Vermin Queen freezes mid-lunge, her claws inches from his collar. She blinks, the sheer audacity of his comment momentarily disrupting her killing intent. The rat swarm hesitates, chittering confusedly at their master's pause. Taking advantage of the sudden stillness, Lube Man lunges, not to strike, but to jam a pressurized canister of his slickest industrial compound directly into the path of her forward momentum. As she steps down to stabilize, the floor turns into an ice rink. She wobbles, her regal composure shattering as her feet slide out from under her, sending her arms flailing toward the open maw of the drainage pit.
Quest Complete
Prove worth to the Vermin Queen
Skill Upgrade: Persuasion Good→Great